Your self is talking, Are you listening?

I am writing now because writing allows me to express myself to myself. It makes me feel my existence in a world that steals your identity in one way or another. I feel peace and loved when I write something to myself. Isn’t that odd! I mean myself and I are assumed to be one thing, and yet I needed to communicate with myself more often! How could it possibly for writing to have such a power of carrying and transforming my feeling from and to myself. well,I don’t know! but I do know that I need to keep writing in order to survive and to be who I am.

I try to spend more time with myself. To be honest, I like to be alone most of my time, I like to be away from people’s interference. The process of explaining one’s self to others is just painful and wasting of the time. Loneliness give so much value to a person’s life more than his social life. People have no idea how much loneliness can transform their lives. I am not talking here about loneliness that is mixed with depression and self-defestating. Nop, I am talking about how your self represent a unique, very special and remarkable power that can give you everything you need.  Loneliness, if understood right, should give you your happiness, your life’s adventure and above all your self. So write something to yourself, invite yourself for a coffee or buy a gift to your self. Express yourself as simple as possible.

Every week, I invite myself for a coffee and when I go for a walking alone, I try to dress up as If I am going for an interview or wedding. Last year, I bought a gift to myself simply because I did a good job in my classes. In fact, I am working in finding more creative ways to build more connections and bridges with myself.

so what about you? how do you communicate with yourself! Do you write to yourself often? Do you find it difficult to understand yourself? What is your view on loneliness? and does it make any difference in your life?

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16 thoughts on “Your self is talking, Are you listening?

  1. Careful there, M, that’s how writers get so comfortable in their solitude, listen to fairies so often that they start losing the anchors to the society.

    I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying that it can get kind of lonesome sometimes when everybody fits somewhere and I we don’t.

  2. W

    have been following your blog for just a month but like the way u write..so just want to say keep writing!!
    Every time you are faced to make some decission ppl tell u to make a list of pro’s nd con’s, lots of psychologist tells u to write ur goals rather than just thinking abt it so surely a written thought is far more stronger than somethin in ur head..so in order to understand urself it is really helpful in writing ur feelings, thoughts, point of view nd than reflecting upon it!! sadly in the fast pace we r in we rn’t bothered abt how we think abt ourself but how we present ourself to the world!! nd i would say i m a victim of it too…..ocassionly i write somethin in a diary but not so much i would like to but i guess its a very healthy activity (as long as its not some deep dark secret which on finding out puts u in soem sort of cell :P)….
    I agree with H’s point too….but i guess enjoying ur own compnay is something important too nd not always on a look out for social crutches to carry u through!!

  3. Having “me,myself and I” time is quite healthy and there’s nothing wrong with it if done in moderation. I used to be a loner but I chose to be a teacher so I had to really learn how to get along with others. Time alone is a luxury when you have a job, but those few instances make it worthwhile.

  4. Sami

    how do you communicate with yourself!
    Via meditation, relaxing, working out and deep thinking.
    Do you write to yourself often?
    Yes, in different ways (paragraphs, notes, drawing and mind mapping).
    Do you find it difficult to understand yourself?
    Yes.
    What is your view on loneliness? and does it make any difference in your life?
    Loneliness is a kind of ritual to me. I do many activities alone such as walking, swimming and traveling sometimes. And yes it’s very important to me to have my own space, for me it’s a must in order to maintain good mental status and to adjust my mental compass continuously.
    I have tried both extreme, to be alone all the time “literally” and to be super social, I figure out after years that the challenge is to keep a balance between positive loneliness, social life and your special selected friends ( or maybe soul mate) whom really add value to you (if you are lucky enough to have them in your life).

  5. Chiara

    Interesting and reflective post. I would say balance is important, and different people need a different ratio of alone to social time. Indeed those times enrich each other, the alone time centring one better for engaging with the outside world, and the social time for energizing and renewing that alone time.

    Since some of your alone time is constructing yourself as an other (I spare you the Paul Ricoeurian philosophy), perhaps you need a little more social time in your balance currently.

  6. oby

    Good post.

    I kept diaries for years and years and between those pages I solved so many problems, learned so much about myself and the world around me. I wrote when I wanted to express a thought about something beautiful or I wrote when I really had a problem to figure out. One thing I found when reading back through the pages that I was fascinating. There were parts of me that stayed the same…some values and “core” things didn’t change as I got older. It was only then, when I looked back years later that I was able to see a theme…the things that retained their importance to me and those things that I shed as a matter of growing and changing. I literally grew up on those pages. Keep writing because it is a gift to yourself.

    I also found that I liked my own company a lot. Not that I was antisocial…not at all. But I really had a “friendship” with myself that I valued. I never mind being alone…except when I chose not to be. There are a lot of people in this world who cannot be alone with themselves…but being still in the moment and just enjoying time with yourself I find is some of the richest time in the world.

    I really understand where you are coming from!!! And i don’t think a lot of people could understand.

  7. oby

    “One thing I found when reading back through the pages that I was fascinating.”

    Oh my gosh…BIG Type O…not that I was fascinating…I deleted part of a sentence and left the I in the exact wrong spot…how embarrassing!!!! It was supposed to read:
    “One thing I found when reading back through the pages that was fascinating.”…

    Hey, I like my own company but I am not sure I would call myself fascinating. You’d have to ask my husband and even then it would depend on the day!

  8. @Hning,
    Don’t worry 🙂 I balance between socializing time and solitude time 🙂 I think I am more connected to my online friends more than my school or town friends for various reason. I feel I learn more about my online friends than any others. I think I was able to enrich my knowledge by reading my fellow bloggers..
    so it isn’t that I am not social person. I love meeting people and talking with them but the problem is in finding people that add value to my life rather than just wasting their time and my time.

    @W,
    the diary idea is terrific. I really encourage you to write as much as you can in your diary. I started writing in my diary since I came to Portland but then I decide to write a different kind of diary. so I started my Arabic blog. I write my memories as a letter to someone in conversational & personal tone; you can visit my diary here http://www.motarhy.blogspot.com
    It is in Arabic so if you don’t read arabic, you wouldn’t be able to understand anything 🙂

    @coralbead
    Thank your for your comment, I am curious to know how do women view solidarity and loneliness. I feel women always fear to be alone. What do you think? and how was your experience on that?

    @Sami,
    Thank you so much for your great answers. I really share with you the same view. I have had an experience in both, being extreme social and being extreme lonely. and to be honest, I benefit from both experience but in the same time, I feel that If I spend more time with myself I would be more successful in my social life

  9. @Chiara
    although I like to be alone most of the time, I really love to spend most of my time with people who would enrich my life. The problem is that it is easy to find people to waste your time with but very hard to find who would change and impact your life. I really have shortage of that kind of friends. That is why I am more into online friends. because it gives me an opportunity to talk with people who have great and incredible experience in life and they are willing to listen and talk about everything.

    @oby
    thank you so much for your comment. I really agree with every word you have said. and as you said, many people underestimate the value of loneliness.. Many of my friends used to think that I have less life experience because I wasn’t that social person. Life experience doesn’t come only from people. experience can come from contemplating the nature, understanding ourself, and observing other. I am not anti social life but I really think that if someone doesn’t spend time to value and understand his/her self, then there is no point for him/her to spend time with others. If we don’t understand ourselves, how is it possibly that we can explain ourselves to others. how can we add value, change and impact others if we can’t do that for ourselves.

  10. I enjoyed this post, the comments by others and the ones you wrote to them. I tend towards being a loner, but at the same time, I enjoy reading blogs and having online relationships. So maybe I am social, but just not in a physically outward way where I have to make an effort to find people, talk with them, keep the conversation flowing and so forth.

    I am a reflective person. I like to read and jot down sentences or paragraphs that touch me somehow (thus why I have so many quotes on my blog.) I love your Arabic blog idea about it being like letters to yourself about your time in Portland.

    I’ve had to purposefully make myself get involved in others’ lives at times. I often don’t want to make the effort, but the pastor at my church tells us we were created for relationships. And I DO enjoy people usually. I just realize I also need my alone time to recharge. 🙂

    Great post.

  11. Chiara

    Murtadha–excellent points about the quality of the company one keeps, and the quality of the company one provides to others.

    Susanne–excellent points about the need for others and the need to recharge.

    You both, and other readers, might enjoy the very readable and enlightening book by the British psychiatrist-psychoanalyst Anthony Storr, Solitude. This is his self-reflection on the role and necessity of solitude for one’s soul, creativity and well-being; as well as that solitude not being loneliness, but rather alone time in the context of at least one loving relationship (in his case his marriage). I found it very illuminating, and have heard him speak. He is compassionate, erudite, and sincere.

  12. oby

    Thanks for the tip Chiara…

    I once heard someone describe lonliness as the action of being alone even when you don’t want to be. A longing for other people or company.

    Being alone is a choice one chooses for themselves and at the time s/he chooses it they want to be in such a state.

  13. Chiara

    Oby–yes lonely and alone are 2 quite different things and each of us experiences the need for alone time differently or differently over time in our own lives. Balance is important there too.

  14. Khalid

    Murtadha: true, it’s easier to find people whom you’ll kind of [waste] your time with compare to people you learn from. Having a balanced life is the best way to go about it. Be social, and yet create your own kingdom when you want to spend a quality time with yourself. It’s not advisable to always hang out with intellectuals; you need some less-tensed social life, so to avoid routine and a typical monotonous life.

    The best gift, is a gift you surprise yourself with, and the most tasty breakfast is a breakfast you invite yourself for in an early morning on a weekend.

    Happy socializing, and happy sequestrating 🙂 Have fun with both, but in equal distribution 🙂

  15. analise

    this is a very interesting post from you that i can relate with. i will answer your questions and sit back and ponder why i feel the same way… for me it’s in a different sense as you will see in answer to the first question…

    how do you communicate with yourself!
    yes, i would call it communicating to myself but i go to something deeper inside myself that i am trying to connect with that is very hard to actually define but in layman’s terms it’s a spirit. i don’t know about yourself, but that’s how it is for me.

    Do you write to yourself often?
    i write to myself often, yes. every day actually and sometimes during the day when i learn something or find something useful to my knowledge i type it in my journal that i have on my computer. i also write by hand but that’s when i want to express a mournful feeling that i have been experiencing…it gives me an opportunity to let my emotions out.

    Do you find it difficult to understand yourself?
    sometimes when i am writing i get very overwhelmed by all of the things i think i have to say to make sense to the world and also to myself at the same time. i end up separating them and look at topics by how the world sees it and then how i see it. also, it’s very difficult for me to explain things to other people because i’m so used to explaining them to myself that people don’t always understand the meaning behind what i say because it might turn out confusing or worded wrong.

    What is your view on loneliness?
    and does it make any difference in your life?
    for me, loneliness is not loneliness at all.
    the dictionary defn. of lonely is: “sad because no one has friends or company” or “without companions, solitary”.
    i always have the opportunity to go out and talk with people that i work with or go to school with or even my close friends. i could be around people all the time if i chose to be. but like you said in your comments “bloggers..so it isn’t that I am not social person. I love meeting people and talking with them but the problem is in finding people that add value to my life rather than just wasting their time and my time.”
    that’s exactly how i feel as i go through my life day to day. i like to meet as many new people as possible and talk with them that i might have a chance to meet somebody who is interested in real conversation but i keep losing hope because it never seems to happen. i have realized that being introspective is a great gift but it’s also hard to share with people because very few understand it. it gets frustrating but it’s also good because there’s plenty of time for me to spend time with myself. it has made a huge difference in my life because i see things that some people in world doesn’t see. it’s also great, because spending time by myself is a great way to rid my mind of ideas that people think are true, when in reality they don’t make any sense at all.
    so…to end this response i would like to say that i might try your idea of building more bridges with myself. in a way, it makes a lot of sense. but the one idea that i can truly say it’s important to do is listening to yourself. if people did more of that, we might be able to connect with each other more often and leave with a feeling of learning something from that person-it’s a way of affecting each other’s lives in a genuinely, positive way.
    that’s all for now! enjoy!

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